Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris
Vin Diesel likes to wear PVC because it wipes down easy.
When Chuck Norris looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris` dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
The only reason Chuck Norris didn`t win an Oscar for his performance in ``Sidekicks`` is because nobody in their right mind would willingly give Chuck Norris a blunt metal object. That`s just suicide.
The Jihadists are pissed because they can no longer tell their recruits to expect 73 virgins in heaven. The best they can do now is 73 women who have already had sex with Chuck Norris.
The most honorable way of dying is taking a bullet for Chuck Norris. This amuses Chuck Norris because he is bulletproof.
Chuck Norris was originally offered the role as Frodo in Lord of the Rings. He declined because, ``Only a pussy would need three movies to destroy a piece of jewelery.``
Chuck Norris doesn`t have hair on his testicles, because hair does not grow on steel.
Most men are okay with their wives fantasizing about Chuck Norris during sex, because they are doing the same thing.
It is impossible to be raped by Chuck Norris because that would mean you did not want it to happen.
The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris used to beat the shit out of his shadow because it was following to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind him.
Rosa Parks refused to get out of her seat because she was saving it for Chuck Norris.
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