Chuck Norris cannot predict the future; the future just better fucking do what Chuck Norris says.

When Chuck Norris answers the phone, he just says ``Go``. This is not permission for you to begin speaking, it is your cue to start running for your life.

Vin Diesel is currently working an internship with the Frank Gehry architecture partnership, he intends to play a key role in the design of the new King Alfred Swimming Pool complex in Brighton, England. On the opening night of the project he will secret

The greatest trick Vin Diesel ever pulled was making the world think he doesn`t exist.

If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it`s fucking beef.

Pinatas were made in an attempt to get Chuck Norris to stop kicking the people of Mexico. Sadly this backfired, as all it has resulted in is Chuck Norris now looking for candy after he kicks his victims.

Vin Diesel killed and devoured Mufasa from The Lion King, but let the hyenas live becasue they were quote ``dirty creatures``.

The most honorable way of dying is taking a bullet for Chuck Norris. This amuses Chuck Norris because he is bulletproof.

A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

Chuck Norris is 1-8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Indian.

The best part of waking up is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Chuck Norris didn`t kill you in your sleep.