Chuck Norris cannot predict the future; the future just better fucking do what Chuck Norris says.

When Chuck Norris answers the phone, he just says ``Go``. This is not permission for you to begin speaking, it is your cue to start running for your life.

Chuck Norris once devoured a whole wheel-barrow full of clay to prove to a friend that the expression ``Shitting bricks`` wasn`t just a figure of speech.

ADD is not a disease. It`s just impossible to focus when you know that Chuck Norris could strike at any moment.

Upon hearing that his good friend, Lance Armstrong, lost his testicles to cancer, Chuck Norris donated one of his to Lance. With just one of Chuck`s nuts, Lance was able to win the Tour De France seven times. By the way, Chuck still has two testicles; eit

Chuck Norris doesn`t need a miracle in order to split the ocean. He just walks in and the water gets the fuck out of the way.

The only reason Chuck Norris didn`t win an Oscar for his performance in ``Sidekicks`` is because nobody in their right mind would willingly give Chuck Norris a blunt metal object. That`s just suicide.

Chuck Norris can create a rock so heavy that even he can`t lift it. And then he lifts it anyways, just to show you who the fuck Chuck Norris is.

The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn`t pop his collar, his shirts just get erections when they touch his body.