Patient: I see green spots everywhere.
Nurse: Did you see a doctor?
Patient: No, just green spots!

Gravity only affects Vin Diesel for six hours out of every day.

Every time Vin Diesel kills god, a kitten masturbates.

Everytime Vin Diesel masturbates God kills a Siberian Tiger.

Vin Diesel sheds his skin every 40 or so days as a defense mechanism.

Vin Diesel eats his weight in alfalfa every day.

Chuck Norris secretly sleeps with every woman in the world once a month. They bleed for a week as a result.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.

Chuck Norris was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.