Every time Vin Diesel kills god, a kitten masturbates.

Everytime Vin Diesel masturbates God kills a Siberian Tiger.

Vin Diesel killed and devoured Mufasa from The Lion King, but let the hyenas live becasue they were quote ``dirty creatures``.

Vin Diesel will kill you by the end of the week.

Guns don`t kill people, Chuck Norris does.

We all know the magic word is please. As in the sentence, ``Please don`t kill me.`` Too bad Chuck Norris doesn`t believe in magic.

A rogue squirrel once challenged Chuck Norris to a nut hunt around the park. Before beginning, Chuck simply dropped his pants, instantly killing the squirrel and 3 small children. Chuck knows you can`t find bigger, better nuts than that.

The best part of waking up is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Chuck Norris didn`t kill you in your sleep.

Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

Chuck Norris was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.

Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the fuck he wants.