Chuck Norris doesn`t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris can speak braille.
Once, while having sex in a tractor-trailer, part of Chuck Norris` sperm escaped and got into the engine. We now know this truck as Optimus Prime.
When Chuck Norris looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris` calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd no one fools Chuck Norris.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.
Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.
Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can`t get up the courage to tell him.
Guns don`t kill people, Chuck Norris does.
Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the fuck he wants.
Chuck Norris cannot predict the future; the future just better fucking do what Chuck Norris says.
Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris` leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
We all know the magic word is please. As in the sentence, ``Please don`t kill me.`` Too bad Chuck Norris doesn`t believe in magic.
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