Chuck Norris secretly sleeps with every woman in the world once a month. They bleed for a week as a result.
Once, while having sex in a tractor-trailer, part of Chuck Norris` sperm escaped and got into the engine. We now know this truck as Optimus Prime.
Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren`t the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
Chuck Norris has to maintain a concealed weapon license in all 50 states in order to legally wear pants.
Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris` leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
I'm concentrating on my career.
Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better than dating you.
Merely by flexing his left arm, Vin Diesel once caused an entire busload of nuns to spontaneously combust.
Once Vin Diesel had an epiphany and it resulted with the manifestation of all 57 varieties of Heinz (including the green and purple ketchup).
Vin Diesel once invented a plane with no wings. He put wheels underneath it and called it a train.
Vin Diesel once challenged James Polk to a race around the world.
Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice announced that it would be possible to fight two wars at once. Incidentally, Vin Diesel announced that he could fight two whores at once.
We once had a bachelor party for Chuck Norris. He ate the entire cake before we could tell him there was a stripper in it.
Chuck Norris once partook in a pissing contest outside of a bar. His opponent drowned.
Chuck Norris once devoured a whole wheel-barrow full of clay to prove to a friend that the expression ``Shitting bricks`` wasn`t just a figure of speech.
Chuck Norris was once charged with three attempted murdered in Boulder County, but the Judge quickly dropped the charges because Chuck Norris does not ``attempt`` murder. 74 6.
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