Let's be friends.
I want you to stay around so I can tell you in excruciating detail about all the other men I meet and have sex with. It's that male perspective thing.

Vin Diesel can tell how something tastes simply by touching it.

Vin Diesel is the son of Nostradamus and Jessica Simpson. It is unclear whether he inherited his good looks from his mother and his intelligence from of his father, or vice versa.

We once had a bachelor party for Chuck Norris. He ate the entire cake before we could tell him there was a stripper in it.

The Jihadists are pissed because they can no longer tell their recruits to expect 73 virgins in heaven. The best they can do now is 73 women who have already had sex with Chuck Norris.

Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren`t the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.

When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he`s telling you how many seconds you have left to live.

Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can`t get up the courage to tell him.