Dear people,
When someone tells you you're one in a million, that means there are 1000 people just like you in China.
Sincerely, still feel special? :)) :))

The 3 fastest ways of communication in the world are:
3. Tele-fax
2. Tele-phone
1. Tell-a-woman



Need it faster??
Ask her not to tell anyone!!!! .

Alinuţa cu frăţioru' se jucau în pădure de-a Wilhelmm Tell. Frăţioru' pune un măr pe capul Alinuţei, se îndepărtează cîţiva metri, ocheste şi săgeata se înfige direct în ochiul stîng al Alinuţei. Frăţioru' îi spun...

un tanar preot trebuia sa tina prima lui slujba, drept pentru care era extrem de emotionat, chiar simtea panica. Atunci, superiorul lui, Episcopul, vazandu-l atat de stresat, l-a sfatuit ca inainte sa se urce in amvon pentru predica, sa puna un paharel de vodca in paharul cu apa, ca sa se relaxeze s...

La un concurs de tras cu arcul, tinta era un mar, pe capul unui tip.
La prima proba, la 50 de metri, vine un tip, trage cu arcul si despica marul in doua.
Toata lumea aplauda. El se intoarce si zice:
- I am William Tell!
La a doua proba, la o suta de metri, vine altul, care trage si despica marul in...

Let's be friends.
I want you to stay around so I can tell you in excruciating detail about all the other men I meet and have sex with. It's that male perspective thing.

Concurs de tras cu arcul. Se aseaza tinta - un gagiu cu un mar pe cap - la 50
metri. Vine primul concurent. Ocheste, trage, despica marul. Urale. Mindru,
tipul se intoarce si declama:
- I'm Wilhelm Tell!
Runda a doua. Se departeaza tinta la 100 metri. Vine alt concurent, ocheste si
trage. Marul cade...

Vin Diesel can tell how something tastes simply by touching it.

Vin Diesel is the son of Nostradamus and Jessica Simpson. It is unclear whether he inherited his good looks from his mother and his intelligence from of his father, or vice versa.

We once had a bachelor party for Chuck Norris. He ate the entire cake before we could tell him there was a stripper in it.

The Jihadists are pissed because they can no longer tell their recruits to expect 73 virgins in heaven. The best they can do now is 73 women who have already had sex with Chuck Norris.

Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren`t the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.

When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he`s telling you how many seconds you have left to live.

Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can`t get up the courage to tell him.