A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

A rogue squirrel once challenged Chuck Norris to a nut hunt around the park. Before beginning, Chuck simply dropped his pants, instantly killing the squirrel and 3 small children. Chuck knows you can`t find bigger, better nuts than that.

The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.

The only reason Chuck Norris didn`t win an Oscar for his performance in ``Sidekicks`` is because nobody in their right mind would willingly give Chuck Norris a blunt metal object. That`s just suicide.

Chuck Norris can create a rock so heavy that even he can`t lift it. And then he lifts it anyways, just to show you who the fuck Chuck Norris is.

The best part of waking up is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Chuck Norris didn`t kill you in your sleep.

Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.

Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris` PC will crash.