The most honorable way of dying is taking a bullet for Chuck Norris. This amuses Chuck Norris because he is bulletproof.

Most men are okay with their wives fantasizing about Chuck Norris during sex, because they are doing the same thing.

When Superman squeezes a lump of coal, he creates a diamond. When Chuck Norris squeezes a lump of coal, he creates an African child to work in his diamond mines.

Bullets dodge Chuck Norris.

Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren`t the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.

Upon hearing that his good friend, Lance Armstrong, lost his testicles to cancer, Chuck Norris donated one of his to Lance. With just one of Chuck`s nuts, Lance was able to win the Tour De France seven times. By the way, Chuck still has two testicles; eit

It is impossible to be raped by Chuck Norris because that would mean you did not want it to happen.

Chuck Norris was once charged with three attempted murdered in Boulder County, but the Judge quickly dropped the charges because Chuck Norris does not ``attempt`` murder. 74 6.

The last digit of pi is Chuck Norris. He is the end of all things.

Chuck Norris used to beat the shit out of his shadow because it was following to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind him.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

Rosa Parks refused to get out of her seat because she was saving it for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.

Chuck Norris once finished ``The Song that Never Ends``.

M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris can touch this.